I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
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At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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