can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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