just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
