I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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