So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
