Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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