U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
