All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just found a bag of teeth...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
