I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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