I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
