I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
