in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
