Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
