i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
