at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
