I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
