You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
