i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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