I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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