Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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