I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's shark week go big or go home
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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