I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
