so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
