It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
