Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
