Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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