It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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