he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
