it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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