i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
