This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
