I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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