I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize