dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize