At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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