I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
