mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
