Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I understand Curling. That high.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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