East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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