If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
