I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
