Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
