they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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