you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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