I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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