I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
