Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
