is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
