Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
