Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
COCAINE IS GR8
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
