my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
