drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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