Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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