if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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