worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
