i can't believe i had my finger in that
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.