Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.