just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped