so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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