my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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