Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
