The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
