so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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