it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
