I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
