I wish life had little blips of pornography
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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