remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
