i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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