I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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