Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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