We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
