READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
